Small penises have feelings too.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
