I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize