I just cut my nipple shaving
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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