did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
