Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
zippers are such a cool invention
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
