is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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