Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
