i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
