I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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