I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
