My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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