Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
