when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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