writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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