We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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