Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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