I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
