I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
