the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
