she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
