She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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