I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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