she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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