it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
