I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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