So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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