Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
