I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
