please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
