Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
