she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
