the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
