Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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