it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
