i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
