Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
