i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
