Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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