is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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