whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
now i know why i became what i already was.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
