If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
