the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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