He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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