she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
