my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
