I haven't been this sober since birth.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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