Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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