Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
