you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
