They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
