The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
