So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
