I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize