So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
