ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
