I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
