Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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