im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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