just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
