I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
