apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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