Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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