the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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