Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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