I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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