Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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