Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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