My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
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