i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
