You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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