god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
