Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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