i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
