I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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