Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
