i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Four minutes until I can fart!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
